Pet New Year's Resolutions
Gloria.TV – News Briefs  01/01/2013 06:27
Pet New Year's Resolutions
Humor

Hmmm...if our pets made New Years Resolutions what would they be?

Resolution #1: I will eat less and exercise more.
Too many nights on the couch, too many dog biscuits and too little time running around the local dog park has made me a little, well, fluffier.
I don't think the old "I'm-just-big-boned" excuse will work anymore. I resolve to bug my owner to take me out to the doggy park several times a week.

Resolution #2: I will beg less
I've got begging down to a fine art – he's puddy in my paws – but it sure is demeaning. I promise to reserve the begging for worthwhile things, like going out to the park and T-bone steak.

Resolution #3: I will recognize the difference between furniture and fire hydrants.
I promise not to treat the furniture and walls the way I do fire hydrants. It drives my owners batty and has no lasting benefit for me (they clear away the scent almost as fast as I can "deposit" it.)

Resolution #4: I'll stay out of the cat's litter box.
I vow to resist the urge to snoop around the cat's private lavatory – even though it's a lot of fun and really makes her go nuts.

Resolution #5: I won't bite the vet anymore.
I'll remember that the vets and their staff are just trying to help in their own, inscrutable way, although they really know how to push my buttons with those needles!

Resolution #6: I won't steal food as much.
I won't go out of my way to steal food, although all bets are off if they make it really easy for me.

Resolution #7: I'll introduce myself in more appropriate ways.
In other words, I'll focus above the waist when introducing myself to humans. Somehow, I get the feeling my normal greeting methods invade their private space.

Resolution #8: I'll do better "holding it" until morning.
When nature calls, I'll steel my resolve to wait for my normal morning walk, unless special considerations apply. I'll decide what those special considerations are.

Resolution #9: I'll bark at the mailman less.
Even though it works to put him in his place, I'll try not to exercise my authority over him and other delivery people, although my self-esteem does get a boost when they retreat.

delagotti     01/01/2013 11:39