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Jungerheld
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How do you like your toast? When Fr Francis Martin prepared couples for marriage he would tell a story from his family. When his parents were married, on their honeymoon, his mother burnt his father'…More
How do you like your toast?

When Fr Francis Martin prepared couples for marriage he would tell a story from his family. When his parents were married, on their honeymoon, his mother burnt his father's toast. He said to her, "That's okay. I like burnt toast." After 20 plus years of burning his toast on purpose, he finally acknowledged that he did not like burnt toast.
Ultraviolet
" so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” Why can't I get pulled over by police like this? Perfect excuse to indulge every weird fancy that comes to mind. "Well, Officer, I'm actually Ultravilríðr an earth-bound Valkyrja. I was racing my four wheeled steed against my father Óðinn and his eight legged steed Sleipnir. For it is written in the …More
" so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” Why can't I get pulled over by police like this? Perfect excuse to indulge every weird fancy that comes to mind. "Well, Officer, I'm actually Ultravilríðr an earth-bound Valkyrja. I was racing my four wheeled steed against my father Óðinn and his eight legged steed Sleipnir. For it is written in the Helgakviða Hjörvarðssonar. "the Valkyrja who can out-ride Óðinn himself shall be his chosen skjaldmær and given the mighty shield, Raüt Naütr to carry into battle in Ragnarök."

...and that's what comes from binge-watching "Vikings" Season 1 all Saturday afternoon.
Holy Cannoli
A man in his mid-forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. …More
A man in his mid-forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says: “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer, and walked away. 😉
Jungerheld
Well, @Holy Cannoli, lest anyone misunderstand, my story is about a dutiful, loving wife and a blockheaded husband who couldn't admit he hadn't been forthright. 😉
Holy Cannoli
Cooking should be taught in every H.S. home economics course. He should have told her on day one of her cremating his toast. As Barney Fife would say, "nip it in the bud." It started when they were on their honeymoon so who knows if they even noticed the burnt toast. 😍

Nevertheless, if she did this to piece of bread (something even I would not do - I've got a toaster oven) what might she do to …More
Cooking should be taught in every H.S. home economics course. He should have told her on day one of her cremating his toast. As Barney Fife would say, "nip it in the bud." It started when they were on their honeymoon so who knows if they even noticed the burnt toast. 😍

Nevertheless, if she did this to piece of bread (something even I would not do - I've got a toaster oven) what might she do to a piece of meat... or a turkey? 🤭
Ultraviolet
"Cooking should be taught in every H.S. home economics course." It used to be. Some of the best, easiest, guaranteed not to fail recipes are found in high school "Home Ec" cookbooks/ textbooks from the 70s. Nowadays, with civil liabilities being what they are, I'd rather not imagine what a school district's insurance rates would be if they allowed students to boil water.