unherd.com

Why arranged marriages make sense

This week, British men and women will spend upwards of £650 million in honour of a third century North African priest who had the ill fortune to …
Indians and Asians in particular tend to be fiercely protective of their cultural traditions dpfurey. Even if they're privately unhappy, hell will freeze over before they admit it to a foreigner.

While they'll almost never willingly "open up" to an outsider, spend enough time around either group and sooner or later it's obvious who's happy and who isn't and there are a lot who aren't. Like the …More
Indians and Asians in particular tend to be fiercely protective of their cultural traditions dpfurey. Even if they're privately unhappy, hell will freeze over before they admit it to a foreigner.

While they'll almost never willingly "open up" to an outsider, spend enough time around either group and sooner or later it's obvious who's happy and who isn't and there are a lot who aren't. Like the old saying goes, you can fool some of the people some of the time... and so on. Indians tend to "give the game away" more readily than eastern Asians.

Typically, both groups tend to marry within their culture and stay married because of pressure from their communities. Marriage is an obligation for them, so the idea of choice (as in choosing their own spouse) is secondary.. In the past, Catholic communities produced a near-identical pressure forcing couples to get and stay together. Westerners really don't have a comparable cultural analogue anymore.

If you think about it, even now something similar still happens among devout Catholics, particularly tradtionally-minded ones. Everyone puts on their "Sunday best" when they go to Mass. The same is true for how they publicly present their marriages and family life. On the surface, everything is fine, everybody's loving and faithful and happy, etc.

Once in awhile a glimpse of what's underneath appears. For example, the pastor's giving a sermon... discussing the importance of marriage, the difficulties and temptations the world presents . He casually mentions the many struggling couples he already offers marraige counselling to. Marriage counselling? Whatever for? Struggling couples? Who? Everybody in the parish seems so happy, so "together", so enriched by their shared prayer life, etc.

Apparently he sees a very different side of people's marriages than what they show everyone else. If Christians who freely chose their own spouses are struggling, how much worse is it for pagan idolators who were told whom they would marry? In some Chinese communities, the groom wouldn't even see his bride until the wedding day. It was all arranged through intermediaries and, worse, compatability wasn't even an issue. The families were more interested in alliances, dowaries, and so on. Depressing thought.

This article, while being "respectful" of the practice echoes many of the same concerns.

www.newidea.com.au/arranged-marria…

There's a difference between being married and being happily married, especially when there is enormous familial, social, and cultural pressure to get married and stay married, no matter what. When modern Western Catholics decide to get married, they are obligated to make their marriage "work" by the teachings of the Church (outside of very limited exceptions covering divorce). Even if the match wasn't optimal, the bride and groom have nobody but themselves to blame. They chose their partner.

For over half the world's population, there is no such freedom. Their families choose the spouse and, invariably, happiness is a minor concern if it even is one at all. Most likely the relatives dismiss any incompatability with, "Then they'll have to work at it, just like we did." Marriage in such cultures isn't about love, it's about business/ politics/ status... in short all the reasons people shouldn't get married.
dpfurey
Ultraviolet, that's not really how they work. At least in the cases that I personally know about.
Show of hands, who wants to contract a solemn, practically indissolible sacred bond with a person they don't love? A person selected by someone who doesn't care in the slightest if the married couple are miserable for the rest of their lives. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. :P
Poll among more than 1,000 German university professors and assistants: 72 % wish not to have to use language sensitive to gender, i.e., always including the female sex when speaking to a group of students. 43% want to be able to question climate change theory.