Area Parishioner Reporting He's Not Gay; Ain't Gonna Hold Another Man's Hand During Our Father
"I ain't gonna do it. Never did, never will. Wanna hold my hand, ask me on a date; but don't expect nothing less than a whack upside the head with this here stick, you hear me?"
Kantor, who says he typically prefers the Latin Mass because there is "no funny business" going on there, said that the last time a man tried holding his hand during the Our Father, he broke two of his fingers. "Turned it out to be my son...that one I regret. Still, he shoulda known better then to get all nancy with his old man."
At press time, Kantor was attending a local Novus Ordo, brimming with the anticipation of breaking another couple of fingers for the sake of orthodoxy and heterosexuality.
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