Former Dutch Priest, 35: "I Wanted Someone to Long for Me"
Born in 1990, Stok grew up in a Calvinist family who attended church services on Sundays. He converted at the age of eighteen after reading the works of C. S. Lewis, G. K. Chesterton, Cardinal Newman and others.
During his many years of training to be a priest, Stok experienced no "big moments of crisis". He had been in a short relationship before entering the seminary, but was content being single.
In June 2017, at the age of 27, Bishop Van den Hende, 61, of Rotterdam ordained him to the priesthood.
Just one year later, Rev Stok suddenly found out that he didn't like to accept the Church’s condemnation of sexual fornication and to preach about it.
During the summer vacation of 2020, he started a secret relationship: "I was madly in love."
She was a Catholic from a different parish: "It was intense and went in all directions." However, she didn’t want to end up as a priest's mistress and broke up with him. Stok was heartbroken and cried.
He speaks in an egocentric manner: "It felt nice that there was someone who longed for me, who looked out for me. I thought that was a great gift. I also knew that what I had done could not be undone."
He took a sabbatical, talked to a psychologist and a psychotherapist: "After two years, it became clear to me: I quit."
In March 2023, only six years after his ordination, he abandoned the priesthood.
Even before he left, he started a new relationship with a certain Inge, lasting for two years now: "We had known each other through church for a while and at the end of my process full of struggles, she asked if I wanted to go on a date with her."
He is now learning "what intimacy means": "Inge brings a lot of peace to my body and head."
They "have talked" about a church wedding and want children: "That was also one of my struggles within the priesthood: I would love to become a father."
He has seemingly no regrets about betraying the Church: "I didn't do what I promised, that's true. I couldn't live up to expectations, including leadership. I am a chaotic person, find it very difficult to arrange things. But I can argue my decision. I don't consider it a failure."
Stok's mother was against his conversion to Catholicism, but later she was against him quitting the priesthood because "with a promise to God comes responsibility".
Ending this July, Stok had a contract as a lecturer in philosophy at Fontys University of Applied Sciences. He will finish a dissertation about revelation theology and the dreams of the Josephs in the Old and New Testaments this summer.
Finally, he reveals the drama of his religious existence. He has found it "difficult to pray": "They say that as a priest you need it to have daily quiet time. I would get noise. I was ashamed of that. A priest and praying, that's one, right? Not so with me."
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