It wasn’t until several years later, during my first tour in Afghanistan, that I realized how wrong I had been about true masculinity. When people are shooting rockets and small-arms at you, you understand pretty quickly that a different approach to manhood is required. One month into my first tour, several people I knew were killed or wounded by a suicide bombing. One night, a rocket landed about 100 feet from my bunk. I was afraid, terribly afraid, that I was going to die—that I would never marry, have kids, or grow old. I knew something had to change.