"I felt numb. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was lost. I spiraled out of control. What followed was the characteristics of a person I didn’t knew existed within myself. When I smiled, it felt forced. When I laughed it was insincere. I had multiple angry, violent outbursts where I would destroy things in my apartment just because I couldn’t bear consequences of my actions. I couldn’t …More
"I felt numb. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was lost. I spiraled out of control. What followed was the characteristics of a person I didn’t knew existed within myself. When I smiled, it felt forced. When I laughed it was insincere. I had multiple angry, violent outbursts where I would destroy things in my apartment just because I couldn’t bear consequences of my actions. I couldn’t remember how to be that happy go lucky and free young woman I used to pride myself on being. I cried constantly. All I could think about was how I caused harm and death upon my children. MY children. Those I should have gladly given my life to protect. It went against nature itself. I had suicidal thoughts and couldn’t bear the weight of the pain. …I pray to the heavens and to my two babies for forgiveness on a regular basis… Not a minute goes by where they are not in my heart and on my mind. … the pain still hasn’t subsided. I have a multitude of mental issues like crippling anxiety and depression. I feel a heaviness in my heart that won’t go away.”
